A Psycho's Rants
by Mein Liebling
Summary: Honestly, Muggles! Can't do a thing for themselves, now can they? "Can I drink this?" "I want a pet dragon!" "Oooh, what happens when I push this button?" You fools! If you touch that you'll die! ...But that isn't exactly a bad thing... / Bellatrix rants about anything and everything that annoys her. And man, a lot of things annoy her. [Drabbles]
1. Muggles

Tch.

Another day, more mudbloods to ruin my mood.

There they were, all happy and laughing and ruining my world- and they were being encouraged to throw away our wizarding traditions! Centuries upon centuries we've been happy with what we've got, and now everything's changing as these muggles- with their guns and tanks and weapons of steel- brainwash the public to think that they are innocent.

But I can see past their lies.

I can see their true selves, how they manipulate the fools around them.

Like brainless cattle, the public allowed these wolves into our homes where we could be devoured like the idiots we are. How dare those mudbloods do this to us!

And what's worse, people like Dumbledore are encouraging this! Can't they see that our culture is being ruined by these aliens? That our lives are being thrown into turmoil as every muggle steps on our land?

No! I shall stop these smug mudbloods if its the last thing I do! I will hear them scream for mercy, beg for forgiveness for what they have done to my society!

And you know what?

I will never forgive them.

They can yell all they'd like but I will never, ever, forgive them.

* * *

I don't own Harry Potter


	2. I Want a Dragon!

Muggles.

Them and their 'Jack-in-the-boxes' and 'baseball' and 'golden feather' or whatever they call that famous play of theirs. (Honestly, their sense of literature and theater is dreadful…)

They have nerve to come running into my world and try to change everything that they dislike!

You don't see me going around in Muggle London waving my wand around and changing things that I don't like, now do you?

(Okay, there was that _one _time, but I was drunk, I get a bloody excuse for that one.)

And they always are sticking their noses into business that they don't belong in!

"What's this?"

"Can I touch that?"

"What would happen if I drank this potion?"

"Oh! I want a pet dragon!"

You ignorant fools! You don't deserve to lick my shoes, for me to waste darts on you as I laugh hysterically as you run around like headless chickens, or for me to permanently glue you so you're stuck wearing Dumbledore's robes!

(Breathe, Bellatrix, you're getting carried away…)

Humph!

Muggles.

* * *

_**For the Hogwarts comp by Uneh:**_

_**Quidditch using prompts:**_

_**Muggle, glue, jack-in-the-box, darts, baseball, golden, feather**_

_**Go Puffs!**_

_**And also this is just me ranting from Bellatrix's point of view because I'm on the Muggles's side but when you think about it, wizards are very interesting from their view…**_

_**I don't own anything.**_


	3. Political Twats

You know what I can't stand?

Idiots.

Well, political idiots.

They're even more idiotic then regular idiots.

(There are regular idiots?)

Ugh. I'm getting off topic.

Look, I'm not really a 'politics' kind of girl, if you know what I mean, but even I know that Fudge is such a nearsighted twit he can't look past his own glasses unless the proof was sitting right in front of him- and even then he would be skeptical.

I'm talking about my Lord and how Fudge refused to believe he's alive.

Even though it was beneficial to our cause, that fat little prick got on my nerves more times than I have fingers. How dare he disrespect my Lord?

I asked milord if I could, and I quote, "Ring his chubby little neck, while yelling 'Crucio!' and stabbing brutally at him with a dull knife", but he said "no".

But _Loooooooooooord!  
_


	4. Bleeping Bleep

You know what I hate?

When the waitress gets my order wrong.

_I wanted a Butterbeer and a grilled chicken sandwich, you *bleeping* *bleep*._

_Not this abomination that you call 'a hamburger'._

_What the *bleep* is this._

_Seriously._

_What the *bleeping* *bleep* are those *bleeping* Americans thinking._

Also_, _the swear filter on this is depressing.

*bleep* *bleep** bleeping* *bleep* bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*


	5. My Hair IS Fantastic, Thank You

I have just been told that I am a 'Psycho'.

And that a lot of people are dying because of me and more shall follow as long as I am alive.

And that I'm evil and legally insane.

And that my hair is fantastic today.

(My hair is brilliant every day, you twit.)

What is today?

Ah, January 21. Thank you, Lucius.

That makes sense of why I am getting so many compliments today.

Last year I told all the recruits that on January 21 they would have to compliment me all day so I wouldn't kill them and that they would survive another year.

Goodness, I feel rather flattered.

I mean, 'psycho'?

'Evil'?

'Many people are dying because of me'?

It's Christmas!

If it was in my personality I would tell everyone who complimented me today that I loved them and would give them a hug, but that was always more Andromeda's thing, so I think I'll stick with my Crucio.

After all, nothing says 'Love' like a good Crucio.


	6. HIS NIPPLES RODULPHUS

**_I DON'T GET BLOODY DRUNK LUCIUS _**

**_RABASTAN_**

**_STOP LAUGHING _**

**_RODULPHUS _**

**_CONTROL YOUR BROTHER_**

**_OR I'LL CRUCIO YOU SO HARD YOUR GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT GRANDFATHER WILL FEEL IT IN HIS NIPPLES_**

**_HIS NIPPLES RODULPHUS_**

**_RODULPHUS_**

**_DO NOT LAUGH AT ME_**

**_I AM NOT DRUNK_**

**_SHUT UP RABASTAN_**

**_NO ONE ASKED YOU_**

**_NO ONE _**LIKES **_YOU SO YOU BETTER WELL STOP BLOODY LAUGHING RABTASTAN_**

**_RABSTAIN_**

**_RABTSTANANA_**

**_RABASTANNNNNNNNNNNN_**

**_LUCIUSSTOPTHISIAMNOTDRUNKWHYAREYOUSAYINGIAM_**

**_LUCIUS_**

**_RABASTANSTOPIT_**

**_RODULPHUS_**

**_CONTROLYOURBROTHEROFANANIMAL_**

**_WAIT_**

**_YOURANIMALOFABROTHER_**

**_MY HEAD IS POUNDING_**

**_WHY IS THE WORLD SPINNING_**

**_LUCIUS_**

**_I'MTELLINGTHEDARKLORD_**

**_STOP LAUGHING AT ME_**

**_YOU THREE_**

**_STOPLAUGHINGATME_**


End file.
